Auf jedenfall hast du schon mal das Licht verringert, find ich gut. Typo auf jeden fall raus nehmen. Render hast du schon etwas besser eingearbeitet, jedoch kannst du es noch besser. ^^
Insgesamt wirkt ist es noch zu Messy und die Size gefällt mir überhaupt nicht. (Ist viel zu groß)
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